


An Original Tale, Without Fail

by Pearl_Pilots_In_Chains



Series: Of Tears and Ash [27]
Category: Hercules: The Legendary Journeys
Genre: Banter, Discussion, Gen, Ridiculous dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:22:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25891270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearl_Pilots_In_Chains/pseuds/Pearl_Pilots_In_Chains
Summary: Iphicles is finally able to tell Orestes his story.
Series: Of Tears and Ash [27]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1050806
Kudos: 8





	An Original Tale, Without Fail

**Author's Note:**

> This is another one of my HTLJ fics from 2018 (set in my "Of Tears and Ash" AU) that I never posted, but decided I might as well, considering the time I put into them. Once again, since I'm no longer really in the fandom, I'm backdating this to when I wrote it, so no one thinks I'm suddenly back into HTLJ.

“Orestes, my friend, I think the time has finally come.”

Orestes glanced over at Iphicles as they walked down the road in the wake of the final wagon in the caravan, in their usual spot as the rear guard.“The time for what, my friend?”Orestes inquired, pretending to be oblivious to the nature of his companion’s statement, though he knew precisely to what his friend was referring.

“The time has come,” Iphicles reiterated, “For you to hear out my story.And this time, I refuse to accept any of your excuses, because I doubt any of them are truthful.More likely, they’re one’s you’ve conceived on the spot, for the sole purpose of avoiding my tale.”

Orestes chuckled, recognizing that his game was up.“Very well then, my friend, go ahead and tell me your story of woe.It seems I won’t be able to escape it this time.You must admit, however, that I had quite a good run there for a while.”

Iphicles nodded.“I will give you that much.Your evasion skills are very well-developed, I can’t deny that.Nevertheless, every runner eventually tires.No chase can last forever, you know that much, I’m certain.”

“I do indeed,” Orestes confirmed.“Now, let’s get this over with.Tell me your story, my friend,” he said wryly.

“But of course,” Iphicles remarked.“It’s my pleasure.”

“I’m sure it is,” Orestes observed dryly.Iphicles grinned back at his friend in response.

“Now, please keep in mind,” Iphicles began once more, “That I’ve made some changes to the tale, in order to provide you with fewer opportunities to find some manner of excuse to avoid hearing the end of it.”

Orestes raised an eyebrow in amusement.“I see you really have thought of everything then.”

“I’d like to think that I have,” Iphicles concurred, a victorious gleam in his eye.“Now, shall I begin?”

“By all means,” Orestes answered with a smile.“I wouldn’t want to delay you any further from the moment for which you’ve no doubt been waiting for some time now.”

“Why thank you,” Iphicles stated, looking more than a bit pleased by this response.He paused for a moment, and then began his tale.“You see, Orestes my friend, my story begins, as it seems all of our tales inevitably begin, in a bar.As you can imagine based on the location, I was out drinking with our mutual friends — if that is an appropriate term for them — Selucreh and Knee-swollaus.Now, you would think that I would be wise enough not to enjoy in such a dangerous activity, but I must confess, there was a lapse in my judgement on that particular evening, and I found myself persuaded to accompany them for the night.This was of course, in retrospect, a significant mistake on my part.As you can imagine, once the drinking began, I found my judgement, which evidently was already impaired on this occasion, even when I was absolutely sober, further muddled.Due to this, when Selucreh and Knee-swollaus made a vague reference to their latest exploit, I expressed interest in it, and asked to hear more of it.”

“A most unwise course of action,” Orestes opined.

“Indeed, indeed,” Iphicles agreed.“I’m sure you can already predict what came of it.”

Orestes nodded in agreement with this statement.

“Needless to say,” Iphicles continued, “They were both thrilled by the fact that I expressed an interest in their current endeavor, and were more than willing to share the details of it with me.It was that moment which sealed my doom.”

Orestes nodded once again, understanding precisely to what Iphicles was referring.

“This particular adventure of theirs,” Iphicles went on, “Was a voyage across the sea, in search of a distant island.To make a long story short, the explanation they gave to me went something like this.It seems that Selucreh and Knee-swollaus have a mutual friend by the name of Jay.However, this Jay character is not particularly important to their tale, so pay him little mind.On the other hand, there are several members of this Jay character’s family who are rather more important to the story, so I suggest you listen carefully, as these individuals’ names escape me at the moment, so I shall be referring to them using their relationship to Jay.Does that make sense to you?”

“Yes, I follow what you’re saying,” Orestes confirmed.“Though I do find it rather curious that the names of Jay’s family members all seem to have conveniently escaped you.”

“Oh well, oh well, what can you do about such unusual occurrences?”Iphicles returned.“Strange things are bound to happen from time to time.You cannot dispute that, can you?”

“No, I suppose I cannot,” Orestes admitted, chuckling as he did so.“In any case, continue with your tale my friend.You have gained my interest, reluctant as I was at first.”

“Excellent, excellent,” Iphicles declared.“I’m glad to hear it.Now, where was I?Oh yes, Jay’s family.Now, the first important member of Jay’s family to this tale is Jay’s son.He’s both a proficient sailor and a skillful warrior, from what I’ve heard of him.”

“How interesting,” Orestes deadpanned.

“Isn’t it though?”Iphicles responded.“The second member of Jay’s family who plays a part, albeit a small one, is Jay’s brother.In all truthfulness, he is only important to the tale because he had a daughter.”

“A daughter, you say?”Orestes inquired.

“Yes, a daughter,” Iphicles confirmed.“Jay’s niece, to be specific, since I can’t remember her real name.”

“Ah, but of course,” Orestes mused sardonically.

“Anyhow,” Iphicles carried on, ignoring Orestes’s remark, “This daughter was cursed by a fickle, capricious deity, for a reason which I seem to have forgotten.”

“You don’t say?”Orestes drawled cynically.

“It’s amazing how these things happen, isn’t it?Here today, gone tomorrow.That’s how it goes with memories, you know?”

“Oh yes, I know exactly what you mean, beyond a shadow of a doubt, obviously.Now, I expect I already know the answer to this, but do you happen to remember which deity it was who cursed Jay’s niece?”

“You know, I am a bit ashamed to admit it, but I’m afraid I’ve forgotten that as well.I assume it was one of the ones who are angry all the time though.Personally, I’d put my money on Ares, Discord, or Spite,” Iphicles answered.

“Why am I not in the least bit surprised by the fact you can’t remember the identity of this deity, my friend?Anyhow, it matters not.You do at least remember the nature of the curse, right?”

“Ah, that I do, that I do,” Iphicles assured Orestes.“The curse was this: Jay’s niece was transformed into a woman made of living gold, and cast far across the sea to a distant island, hidden from the eyes of the world.”

“That’s an . . . odd curse,” Orestes remarked.

“You know, I thought the same thing myself when I first heard it,” Iphicles responded.“But, let us not forgot, those who hold divine power are a strange lot, know to peculiar whims and flights of fancy.I have heard of other curses which are no less unusual, and perhaps even a few which are weirder still.”

“Fair enough,” Orestes conceded with a laugh.“Though I have to say, it is rather convenient that you are able to recall how you felt when you heard of the niece’s curse, in spite of the fact that you are unable to remember so many other details of that particular evening.”

“The mind is prone to working in inscrutable ways, my friend, many of which defy both easy explanation and conventional logic concurrently.I believe that this may be one such occasion,” Iphicles defended himself.

“I suppose so,” Orestes replied.“Now, care to explain how this cursed golden niece fits into the story?”

“Most certainly,” Iphicles said with a chuckle.“You see, Jay’s son is now planning a voyage to seek and rescued Jay’s niece.He is currently gathering a crew for this voyage.He had already recruited Selucreh and Knee-swollaus prior to the night when I went out drinking with them.”

“Ah, I see.And let me guess, they in turn managed to recruit you to the voyage, did they not?”

“Your guess is quite correct, my friend,” Iphicles confirmed with a troubled shake of his head.“I now find myself caught up in the midst of this whole affair, this Quest for the Golden Niece, as I believe they dubbed it.”

“What an original title,” Orestes opined ironically.

“Indeed, is it not?”Iphicles returned, trying to keep a straight face.“I’ve certainly never heard anything even remotely like it in the past.It’s quite unique, I’d say.”

“Oh yes, incredibly unique, absolutely novel.So unprecedented that it’s practically revolutionary.A truly momentous occasion for the entire field of quest titling, I’m sure,” Orestes observed humorously.

“I couldn’t agree more,” Iphicles asserted, on the edge of laughter now.

“You know, I have numerous questions about this quest,” Orestes began with a smirk, “But somehow, I doubt you remember any of the answers to them.”

“I must admit, my memory of that particular evening is somewhat inconsistent,” Iphicles corroborated.

“That’s one way to put it,” Orestes observed laconically.

“I’d say that it’s the most accurate way to characterize it, all things considered.”

“I’m sure you do.”

“You don’t agree with that opinion?”Iphicles inquired with a cocked eyebrow, trying to keep his humor under control.

“I don’t have a stance on it one way or another,” Orestes answered ambiguously, keeping his tone neutral and cryptic.“However, there is one question I would like to ask, purely because I think it’s a bit of a glaring issue with your tale.”

“Oh, certainly, don’t hesitate on my account,” Iphicles swiftly responded.“Ask away, and I will do my best to supply you with an answer to your inquiry.”

“Marvelous,” Orestes pronounced.“You see, I can’t help but wonder, why is the quest referred to as the ‘Quest for the Golden Niece?’If Jay’s son is the one leading the expedition, then is he not seeking for his cousin, rather than his niece?The title seems somewhat inaccurate.”

“Hmmm.”Iphicles looked away, appearing somewhat chagrined, as if he had overlooked this fact and was just now realizing it.“You know,” he uttered, sounding as if he was attempting to mimic a contemplative tone, though he was failing miserably, “That is quite a good question.I’m afraid I don’t really know.I’ll have to ask Jay’s son himself if I ever meet him, or Selucreh and Knee-swollaus the next time I see them.”

“That seems like a good idea,” Orestes avouched.

Iphicles nodded his agreement, looking back over at Orestes.“Now, my friend,” he started, “As you can imagine, I am not thrilled at the prospect of taking part in the quest, but I fear that I have no route through which I might escape it.That is why I need your help.”

“Oh, you require my aid now?”Orestes queried, not even mildly surprised.“I most certainly haven’t been anticipating that from the beginning.”

Iphicles chuckled, but went on without addressing the remark.“Good Orestes, I feel that if you would tell me more of your own experiences with Selucreh and Knee-swollaus, that I might be able to devise a strategy to escape the predicament I’m current in, stucking taking part in a quest and voyage in which I have no interest, and furthermore, could be hazardous to my continued survival.For as you know, adventures such as these are not devoid of dangerous, but instead, altogether lush with it.”

“That is a true statement,” Orestes granted with a giggle.“It seems as though you are in a not insubstantial bind, my friend.”

“You are most definitely correct, good Orestes,” Iphicles affirmed with conviction.“So now, I beseech you, would you be so kind as to tell me of your own experiences with Selucreh and Knee-swollaus, so that I may begin developing a plan to escape from the clutches of this quest?”

Orestes tilted his head and acted as though he was considering the request for a few moments, before answering, “No, I don’t think so.On the contrary, I think that a quest, though it may jeopardize your health a bit here and there, is exactly what you need at the moment, my friend.Gaining more experience is never a bad thing, after all, and I’m sure you’ll gain plenty of it on this expedition.However, don’t hesitate to continue to inform me on how the adventure is going.If the journey becomes excessively perilous to you, I may be willing to reconsider and give my aid to you after all.”

Iphicles narrowed his eyes at his friends for a moment, before shaking his head and chuckling.“After all that, still not convinced?”

“Not yet,” Orestes answered, beaming deviously.

“My friend, you are a true rapscallion,” Iphicles opined vehemently, his voice imbued with warm wit.

“I won’t deny it,” Orestes responded merrily.

“Well now, will you at least let me inform you of the ongoing journey without protest, or will you try to evade it every time I bring it up again?”Iphicles queried pointedly.

Orestes pursed his lips, thinking over the appeal.His lips broke back into a grin.“I make no promises,” he replied.

Iphicles rolled his eyes once more.“You are not an easily defeated opponent, I see.”

“Not at all,” Orestes concurred.“But we both know that you prefer it that way,” he added with a chortle.

“I suppose so,” Iphicles confessed, shaking his head in faux-dolefulness.


End file.
